All my summer travels with my family are over and now, I’m back to the reality of job hunting and figuring out what my next step is in life. Ultimately, I just want to be where God wants me to be and learn what God wants me to learn. But I honestly don’t know what I should be doing and a little nudge in the right direction would be nice!
I’m the type of person that needs to be doing something productive or else I feel like I’m wasting my life away, but needs motivation and deadlines to start doing so. So pretty much, I’m a catch 22. Maybe this time of nothingness (and sometimes boredom) is a time for God to do something with my heart. Show me things I don’t realize when I’m filling up my schedule with things to do, people to see, and places to go. A time of reflection and quietness with Him, which to be honest, I haven’t done in awhile.
In different seasons of my life, there have been prayers that God has put in my heart to repeat daily for a long period of time and see how it has changed my perspective on things. I would still pray for other things of course, but there would be one main prayer that God would put in my heart to repeat to Him. There was a time that my main prayer was for God to break my heart for what breaks His and to give me His eyes to see people the way He does. Man, that time of my life was so vulnerable. I would see the world’s hurts and it would burden my heart that I would have nights of crying. There was another time when my main prayer was to not worry about tomorrow, for today already had enough problems of its own. That was the season when I was anticipating graduation and what was coming next. I had so many emotional and spiritual battles to face during that time because usually God gives me some sort of direction when new chapters of life were coming and at that time, He was silent. For example, when I was in high school, He made it so clear to me that my next step was Biola and I had complete peace that Biola was really where God wanted me to be that I didn’t even apply to any other colleges and people thought I was crazy.
So let me share a simple prayer that I’ve started repeating for this current season of life: That I would fix my eyes on the author and perfecter of Faith. In every circumstance, no matter how big or small, how life changing or not, how joyful or frustrating, I want to fix my eyes on God always. And boy, this is way harder said than done, I’m well aware of that. I mean, it’s already so hard to do the things I prayed for before. To alway see people the way God sees them, to love the unlovable, to feel pain when your brothers and sisters feel pain, it’s a commitment and it takes lots of emotions. I’m not perfect at that, which is why there’s grace. To not worry about the future because it’s not even promised, that’s almost second nature to us humans. I’m not perfect at that either, which is why there’s grace for that too. So even with this prayer to fix my eyes on God always, I know at times I will fail, my emotions can get the best of me, I can just get lazy or stubborn or selfish, but God’s grace is there for those shortcomings too.
So I hope and pray that especially for the big decisions in my life right now, that I will fix my eyes on God and what He wants me to do. (Cue For King & Country’s song, “Fix My Eyes”)